Poisoned...

I think it's about time someone send me to a therapist. But who in their right minds will bother?

I feel poisoned lately... firstly due to my sister's cooking for her test. The nightmare will end June 2 so I'm begging for it to arrive quickly. What to know how 'awesome' it is? I bit into a tempura and it was cold, hard and the prawn remained intact after 2 bites. The cold noodle wasn't cold and the sauce was salty like the dead sea. I nearly cried...

Me: Is cooking demoralising?
(Sis shakes head)
Me: It will be

OH GOD. HELP HER PLEASE!!!!

Had a horrible matcha latte yesterday at Starbucks. Never EVER drink a ice matcha latte. The frappe and hot are good and makes you feel less poisoned.

I still love American Idol. The songs are awesome!!!! I can't wait for next season and I can't wait til I'm eligible to audition in Singapore. We'll see. And for all you American Idol lovers out there, watch youtube videos of Kara Diogaurdi, Allison Iraheta and Kris Allen on The Ellen Degeneres Show.

Thinking back, term 2 started off very horribly. I re-read my earlier blog post for the start of the term and I witnessed again the result of compressing emotion. If you feel the need to explode all your emotions, do it healthy. Try this. For all those sports people, go run or go gym or something sporty. Sports is said to release "feel good hormones". For more angsty people like me, write out your anger and frustration and burn it or tear it. IT WORKS AND FEELS REALLY GOOD TO DESTROY STUFF!!! But make sure people know how you are feeling because you dont want to repeat the incident again.

As the term went I think I felt better and then Ms Chia found out about something which was quite old news and etc... Then we had midyears which sucked for most of us except for Le Yong, Shannon and JJ Lum (but seriously they are not human. And one of the 3 do not deserve human rights. BTW: Just kidding Lumz).

After exams were worst, Hongkiat did a great job of making the class shirt. And we all had a say of how we looked at the back. I had a gun and a knife and crosses for my eyes which I thought were really cool. Ironically, we ended up doing more work during lessons than before exams.

Right now, I feel great (except for the poisoned food which I just ate)! And I'm ready for term 3. As long as I dont pass out again during assembly. Yes, I didn't raise flag because I nearly passed out. And yes, that was on Thursday. And yes, I am that weak

Yay

WHAT A WEEK! It was unbelievable. And this will only amplify how bipolar I am but I don't care yet.

YOUR NEW AMERICAN IDOL: KRIS ALLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYAYYAYYAYYAYYAY! I was super happy (but I bet Blum was damn sad. Oh well). I went to get the American Idol songs from the season and I finally realized how good Lambert is! But still Kris Allen is better! More creative, More inventive etc! KRIS ALLEN ROCKS!

I watched 2 movies in one day! My new record! I watch Angels and Demons in the afternoon with Qing Ke and Night At The Museum 2. Angels and Demons was fine but NATM2 was super funny!!! I think I don't mind watching it again!!

Finally, I got A1 for both maths! YAY! But some ppl didn't pass. Work harder you can pass!!
Monday going to be insane when we get all our results and all but we'll see.

I have decided to go for Singapore Idol in 2011 (if they have one which I really hope they do) and my audition song would be Ain't No Sunshine. Whether I make it, we'll see.

Homecoming

"I missed you all, I missed you up" - Homecoming by Hey Monday

Catholic retreat was la bomb! Too bad none of us really wanted to go at first. But I had an AWESOME GROUP!!! (Group 3: Bryan Thian, Andrew Tsui, Toby, Chris Gwee, JKor, Samuel Tan, Henrick, Kevin, Me!) We thought there was a grouping conspiracy but oh well.

First game was contruction like make a dinning set and houses on a hill etc... But we didn't win a lot of points :( but nevermind.

We OWNED game 2 though. (Give me items that spell out a word)
Jeans
Origami
Stick
Earphones
Potted Plant
Highlighter
IDIOM!
Abstract ART!
Nailclipper
=JOSEPHIAN
We won most creative for 5 out of 9 items. 4 were made of paper! HEHE

Third game - DRAMA NITE (What does the ring mean to you)
We:
Made Chris Gwee be a girl
(Thian: Her name was...
Moses: WONG WAH LEE!)
Created the most chessy pick up lines (If I could rearrange the letters, I'll put U and I together, I never knew angels flew so low)
Got Joshua to say "My precious" to Chris Gwee
Forced Toby to fight with a bow and no arrows
And
Saw Moses be a girl who was menstrating

Forth game - Song challenge
Again, we owned :)
BUT THE SONGS WERE UBER KIDDY!
I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE KEV ACTUALLY KNEW THE POWER RANGERS THEME SONG! LIKE THE FUCK?
And they made me impersonate a pirate. I was a very fail pirate. Thian had to name the Hi-5 people. Toby guess the oldest to youngest and GOT IT RIGHT!! IMBA OR WHAT!

Total Points: 4k plus!

What we did at night was super fun!
We gossiped a lot about all sorts of crap. (China version of Lord of the Rings = Lord of the Ling!)
We challenged people to push-ups just to tao pok them!
We played 7-up! and consentration. Champion: Thian, Second: Me! Third: Kev Forth: Tsui (Super difficult to play!!!)
We place a bug under Henrick's pillow!
They played swash at 5 am and watch Lord of the Rings
They carassess Thian's boobs!
We took the double bunk bed ladder and ramp into other people's ass and penis!
We gossiped about people we don't like
And I found out what Hibicus also spells on the phone!

SUPER CRAZY AND GIMLI OWNED!
YAY

Poker Fail

Muahahaha...

It's good to have a poker face. It is bad to have a teacher who has a Poker face. That makes us... well... Poker fails

GAH!!!! WE SPOTTED THE LIT QUESTION WRONG!!!! I FRICKING MEMORIZED THE ENTIRE 3.2!!! But "'Tis partly my own fault. Which death or absence soon shall remedy" - Helena (no I'm not going to die... Yet
(Lovers sure come out one. WHAT IS YOUR FEELINGS FOR BOTTOM? = FAIL!)

E maths and Chem were quite okay. Hopefully I can get 90plus for both. China well... Border pass/fail. AGAIN.
But it was really funny spotting questions and going to Adam Road on Thursday then we talked nonsense and Isaiah was well being Isaiah!
Bryan was being JJ. Hong Kiat was being a socialite. Moses was Mr Wong Wah Lee or something...

After exams, I will learn 10 songs at once. Why? Cause the chords and strum pattern are the same! This will take me (10 * 4) about 40 weeks. Wish me luck!
And I'm going to fail Amaths, Bio, SS, China.
Great...

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN 8 MONTHS, I HAVE FELT GLIMPSE OF HOPE! My first non-emo post is god knows how long! This calls for celebrations! (Shit, I sound like Mr Fong)

Yes, I'm still suicidal but I can feel hope for the first time since July last year. For some strange reason, reality shows are what put your life back on track. Okay, I have been watching 'The biggest loser" for about 2 weeks now (no I do not want to lose weight. Or be fat.) and I realise how motivational that show is. The theme song is 'Proud' by Heather Small, but there is nothing small about that song (haha joke...). But seriously, I have influenced by it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ytvoRQk4Wg
Tell me if you are influenced by it. Or not.

So now I have one motto about hope amist all the suicidal mottos.
And after very shitty four days, the past two days weren't so bad. Yes, there were downs (like when someone called me an animal (cruelity against ANIMALS) so that sucked. But I didn't think about it much after that. But I'm going to fail 2.4km again so let's hope the hope stays even after I fail. XD

Newsflash: I have decided against having 'Kevin' in my name. I realised that they are all the same I don't want to be associated with them. No, there are no evil intentions but I feel that I don't want to become them. Besides, there can only be one confi name. EVERYONE, I AM SEAN NATHANIEL LEE.

Oh and I have planned the perfect suicide. With the help of Moses, HK and Lum. Check it out!
1) Go for a plastic surgery
2) Shoplift extremely gorgeous clothes (formal wear?? maybe...)
3) Hang myself and get a friend to put me in the hall during National Day.

Ok byeez,.

(Ask yourself: What have you done today to make you feel proud?)

Growing up young

Now, you know your life sucks if you have a bad things for 4 consecutive days. You also know your life sucks when you start thinking about your childhood (or the lack of it)

Friday
I'M NOT IN FRICKING LLTC!!!! AN ASSHEAD TOOK MY PLACE IN IT!!! HOW ANGRY AM I, FUCKING ANGRY. Toby and Qing Ke tried to cheer me up but I still felt really angry. To whom I shall not name, I WANT TO CUT YOUR HEAD, PLACE IN CONCENTRATED NITRIC ACID, DROP POTASSIUM INTO THE ACID WITH A LIGHTED BURSUN BURNER NEARBY. POP GOES THE REMAINS OF YOUR HEAD!!!

Saturday
I woke up really early for HSK. LIKE 7am early. Worse, I think I'm going to fail HSK and I felt like crap when everyone said 'It was damn easy!" etc. I went to Far East with (Lum, Moses, Nevin, ZY, Hongkiat and a two other people who I forgot). We talked about the possibilities of me making more friends if I were less weird. I left and went to church. Played 'Don't forget the verse', (you know, Don't forget the lyrics Catholic edition) I had to complete the song, As the Deer, and I GOT IT RIGHT!!! Left early to go to school for GOH for the founder's dinner. GUESS WHAT! When I was selling bears, THE ADULTS JUST 'CASUALLY IGNORED ME'!! Worse, at the dinner, the band and dancers were performing BUT ALL THE ADULTS WERE TOO BUSY TALKING TO EACH OTHER! WHERE IS YOUR RESPECT???? For some reason, I will never (neither will Nevin nor Lum) see myself growing up to be like them.

Sunday
I went to town and got a haircut. My sis and I left early and my parents CONSTANTLY CALLED US ASKING WHERE WE WERE AND WHY WE HAD LEFT. The stupid argument lasted through dinner and I was very upset. So was my sis. My parent's inflexibility to adapt to a situation and lack of logic and passing messages skills prove to be a boiling point for me.

Monday
LLTC crap again... La da ha... Pipeng was scolding me through Chemistry so I got kinda pissed at him and so we ended up daoing each other for a while. The Merimum webster quiz fails and so me, sherman, Pipeng, Shannon, Le yong and Andrew cheated the way through. HEHE. Before my guitar class, the bakerzin service FAILS!! The chicken didn't come on time. I had to ask for my soup for a few times etc. VERY annoyed. OH and he who shall not be named is congratulated: again. Yay him... FUCK OFF

Yeah so I was thinking about why I didn't have a real childhood, at least for me. I'm raised in a family of 3 sisters, my dad is rarely around, I have a skin disease that will break out in rashes when I sweat like a dog and overheat. I have never played with a ball until I was in Primary 2, in school. I only owned a soccer ball when I was 12 and it is now deflated. My constant negative outlook on life was due to this horrible childhood (or at least what minute portion available to call childhood) now leaves me the way I am. I don't enjoy being called weird but I'm not acting just to get attention. I change myself because I simply don't know how or where to start. I'm trapped at home with overprotective parents. I don't see the world the way most do and I'm just torn apart. Waiting to pick up the pieces...

Just to be torn apart again

Normal Post

I was reading my early blog entries and I'm still trying to figure out how I went from censoring my vulgarities to being very open about them. What happened after 2 years???? But well, I'm trying to regain some sanity. I even have a playlist called 'Regain sanity' in my ipod. So yeah, I'm like in rehab.

Yeah, I realised exploding all my emotions on a blog entry was not the smartest thing I did and yeah I to a large extend regretted that. When you actually have some sanity back in your life, you end up regretting a lot of things. So to those who read it and are hurt, or have going suicidal (though I bet none has), this is my apology. But yeah, those who have read it here's something to learn: When you suppress a lot of emotions over time, you will become a time-bomb.

Oh and my tagboard has never been this flooded. So this is kinda funny cause no one really read this and suddenly my tagboard is full in like 3 days! Oh and someone said that using a lot of profanities doesn't make me look cool but nowhere in this blog have I ever said that I wanted to be cool. And I don't think that using a lot of profanities is cool, I think it's just the result of anger and angst.

I am now reading Wuthering Heights and not stressed about exams as my mom wants me to be. I'm also leaving the awesomeness of the aircon classroom and going back to the new classroom, or should I say sauna. But really I think that the airconditioned classroom really makes you bond with the class cause I have never stayed in a class til 2.50 just playing the guitar. There are so many things that I have not done in the normal classroom so to those who are going to the aircon classrooms soon, treasure it.

Monday's going to be great. I have a presentation and I'm posing as a furrier. I'm also borrowing my sis' fur boots to role play! Now I need to her say yes...

Oh and finally. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEENAN!! Have fun with your new guitar!